New Year.  New Goals.

Typically, we wish for–or even pray for–a better year than last year. This isn’t wrong.

But this year, I’m hoping for something a little different. 

For 2025, I am not asking God for a better year.

I’m asking Him for a better me.

But why? Why wouldn’t you ask Him for a better year, Misty? Why would you not pray for protection over your family? Why wouldn’t you ask Him for provision? Good health, favor, finances, etc.?  Well…let me see if I can explain.

Over the last several years, our family has suffered some losses, and faced even more challenges.  Battles, if you will.

As each year comes to a close, I find myself thinking, “Surely this coming year has got to be better.” Or maybe even, “I can’t wait for this year to be over and start fresh in January. Surely we won’t go through the same level of warfare we’ve endured this year, and the year before that…and the year before that.”  I have such high hopes, and then every year disappoints. Like, as in, things just keep getting worse and worse every year.

So many people posting about their amazing year.  I guess I've had those before.  Me–wondering when I will ever have another ‘amazing year’ because the last few have been nothing but hard.  But then…perspective.  Now I can see it has been a pretty amazing year. Not for the things I’ve accomplished, but for the times Jesus showed up in the fire with me. Because He got me through another year that was perhaps designed to take me out.  Jesus steps in and saves me over and over again. Pretty amazing, huh?

When we begin reflecting on the past year, and looking forward to the next, we typically want to ask God to ‘bless’ us and our family in the coming year. We cling to the hope that work will be better, our finances will be better, our family won’t be sick, we will be protected from injury, accidents, and loss.  We may be hoping for a new home, or a new baby. We might be asking God to bless the plans we’ve already decided on. Oops. And really, from the scripture I know, it is okay to ask God for the things that only He can do. It is okay to be persistent in your asking. But what are we really asking for?  I tend to think that what we are really asking for is a life free from trouble.

And I have learned that we are not promised that kind of life as believers. 

In December, as I was reflecting on the year per usual, still enduring my latest health struggle, I made up my mind.  This year I am not asking God to take away all my troubles (even though that’s what I really want).  One day as I was driving alone, I was just talking to God, crying and asking for strength because I didn’t want to be a falling apart mess. And then I had to stop immediately and admit that He already knew that I didn’t want to be strong. I was tired of being strong. What I really wanted was for things to be easy. Gosh, I can’t remember the last time something was easy. So anyway, even though I’d rather have an easy year, I finally realized that from God’s perspective, easy may not equal better.  Remember, He said his ways are better than our ways. His thoughts are higher than ours. 

In December, I’d already had 3 surgeries in one year, multiple ER visits (one by ambulance), and oh so many doctor appointments. While I was dealing with high blood pressure, chest pain, allergic reactions, brain fog, body swelling, joint pain, and anxiety, we were on our faces praying for others. A dear friend going through some of the same odd symptoms, a pastor who came home from a mission trip with a horrible illness, family members who are lost. I was mad. I was wondering why these others had to endure such unimaginable pain. I was just wondering why I, among others, had not received a miracle. Why are we not seeing the church of Acts in action? I don’t know. That’s a conversation (or five) for another time. I knew God could rescue me. I knew he could heal my body in a moment. But He didn’t. As we began 2025, I had to have my mind made up that no matter what this year would hold, that I was not going to be disappointed if it was not any better than 2024. If the health problems were still there. If the trials were still there. If we had not been delivered from our tribulation and we were still in the middle of the storm.  I had to have my mind made up that even if something else bad happened, I was still going to praise Him.  I began to see that even if I had gotten a miracle, and I would have spread the news to bring God glory, that maybe a better thing was happening. I began to ask God in prayer, not only to rescue me–but that if I was going to have to go through this, I wanted him to make me better.  God, make me better. And He did. He still is. 

A friend I shared this with recently told me that was a bold prayer.  Really?  I thought it was one of desperation. I didn’t know what else to do because so many hits just kept coming.  So the only thing left to do was to allow God to refine me as I was going through the fires. We learn in Celebrate Recovery that God never wastes a hurt.  We know this from scripture as well. God may allow certain trials in our lives in order to produce something in us. He told us to take heart because He had overcome the world, but at the same time, we will endure trials. And we know that because we endure these trials, it grows our character. “Easy” does not produce character. 

Paul said it this way in Romans. 

3 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. 4 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. 5 And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

It was a good thing I had my mind made up, because in January I had emergency surgery to remove a serious infection (ended up being MRSA), and then again in February to remove a chronic seroma that kept refilling with fluid. I was on so many antibiotics that I ended up with thrush. I even began writing this in January and couldn’t finish due to my additional complications. My prayer remained the same. 

God, make me better. 

Produce something good in me. Help me let go of bitterness, help me forgive. Make me more compassionate. I want to see people through your eyes. God, make me better. Help me endure. Make me strong. Make my faith rock solid. God, make me better.  I don’t know what you are doing, I don’t know what is on the other side of this. Just work something out in me for your purpose. Let my kids see their momma get up off this couch. Let them see how big their God is. That He still answers prayers. That He is truly working all things together for our family’s good, because we love you, Lord, and we know we are called according to your purposes. 

God, make me better.

At my lowest, all I could do was say, “God, help me.” And each time I could get up out of bed, or off the couch, I would say, “Thank you, Lord, that I could get up out of bed.”

I’m still healing, but I am far beyond where I was a few months ago. A few weeks ago. I am still getting a little better every day. Physically, mentally, and spiritually.

Jesse Duplantis said this, “You cannot force or manufacture spiritual experience.  Only the Holy Spirit produces the atmosphere for you to move and work in.”

Now, I’m not saying this is the worst mental or physical (health) battle anyone has ever gone through. Not at all. I’m not trying to compare anything to anyone. I’m just saying I’ve endured a battle, and I’ve learned a lesson from it. Now, I want to share it with you.  Holy Spirit has created an atmosphere for this very thing, because I have been through a unique spiritual experience.

The Make Me Better Podcast is the result.

Father, you get all the glory. To you be the honor, and glory, and praise–forever and ever.

Thank you for making me better.

Amen.

P. S. I am not giving up on asking God for ‘good things.’ I am not giving up on prayer. But sometimes the ‘good things’ are produced only through the testing of your faith. The better things. Better than wealth and material things. I always pray for God’s will to be done. I know that His will is good. He is always good. But sometimes He is good to you while you are enduring something bad, instead of keeping all the bad things away. He wouldn’t love us very much if he did not allow us to grow. He doesn’t keep us in a bubble. Life happens to us all. I will always ask God for all the good things, but now I know the really good stuff is not just a list of what we call ‘blessings.’ The good He is working in us is far greater. Longer lasting. Legacy building. If I am seeking God and his kingdom first, I am not worried about the other stuff. Matthew 6:33.